


The Final Despair

by Leogun



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Conflict, Eventual Happy Ending, Friendship, Hope vs. Despair, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internal Conflict, Loneliness, Love, M/M, Naegami, References to Depression, Reincarnation, Sex, Soulmates, Ultimate Despair (Dangan Ronpa)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:55:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28536984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leogun/pseuds/Leogun
Summary: The first thing he remembers thinking is that Byakuya isn’t there. His first conscious thought that he remembers having as a child.“Where’s Byakuya?” He asks his parents and they laugh and say “Who’s Byakuya?” They think it’s his imaginary friend and sometimes it feels like it. The ghost of Byakuya’s presence haunts him and hurts deeply, all he wants is to see him again. He asks about the school and the robot bear and the death and his parents look concerned and lean in.“What are you talking about Minato?”.....Makoto Naegi keeps reincarnating but every lifetime isn't right. He's not himself anymore and more Importantly... Byakuya isn't there.Each lifetime feels more despairing than the last.. until a lavender haired stranger in the park knows his name.. his real one.Will Junko's final despair win? Or can the Ultimate Hope come through one last time?Reincarnation AU!Leoguns Naegami week 5/7
Relationships: Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	The Final Despair

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5 is here!
> 
> This is a really long one and the prompt was reincarnation!
> 
> Warnings here for implied Suicide (non graphic!) non descriptive sexual content and genderbending - Each time they reincarnate they have a different name and may have a different sex but i will always refer to them as their canon name in context to keep things from getting confusing!
> 
> This one is a wild ride! One of the more out there things i've ever written but i really hope you enjoy it!

The first thing he remembers thinking is that Byakuya isn’t there. His first conscious thought that he remembers having as a child.

“Where’s Byakuya?” He asks his parents and they laugh and say “Who’s Byakuya?” They think it’s his imaginary friend and sometimes it feels like it. The ghost of Byakuya’s presence haunts him and hurts deeply, all he wants is to see him again. He asks about the school and the robot bear and the death and his parents look concerned and lean in.

“What are you talking about Minato?”

Ahh.. he isn’t Makoto anymore.

As he grows he remembers more, it’s like he’s been plucked from his world and thrown into another and he can’t get home. He’s forced to live in the shell of someone else’s life and its unbearably painful, for how awful his life as Makoto Naegi could be.. he wants it back so badly it burns.

He wants Byakuya.

Even at such a young age he knows Byakuya is his soulmate, he needs to find him again, somehow.. he needs to get back home.

His teenage years are difficult, nobody is quite enough. Friends can’t live up to Aoi and Hagakure, relationships don’t interest him when they aren’t Byakuya. His memories get stronger and more vivid each year and it makes him want to scream. He’s trapped in this half life where nobody can measure up. His sister isn’t Komaru, his parents aren’t right, he can’t stop thinking about the killing game and when he wakes up screaming his parents send him to therapy.

He soon realises nobody will believe him, nobody knows what he does and so it’s best to smile. To nod and pretend and hope with all his might somehow things will be made right again.

He’s 19 when he meets him again.

He runs into him, quite literally at the subway station. A young blonde businessman with much too short hair, no glasses and a permanent scowl yells at him when he accidentally bumps into him getting off the train.

“You idiot get out of my way!” He snarls almost dropping his coffee cup, cell phone glued to his ear and he practically barges him aside as he jumps onto the train which quickly departs and leaves him stood there shocked and breathless.

That was Byakuya. He just knows it in his heart, the same energy... it’s his soul even though his body doesn’t match the same way _his_ body doesn’t match anymore. It’s all wrong and he wants to cry, what’s he supposed to do now?

He tries to find him again, goes to the same subway station at the same time everyday but he never even catches a glimpse of him. It erodes at his sanity in this world that’s off kilter and nothing feels right anymore.

It doesn’t take long before he can’t cope in it anymore.

The last word that goes through his head is _Danganronpa_

....

His next conscious thought is that he’s back.

This time his parents call him Mikuto and he remembers everything but they know nothing.

He’s a little more practiced this time. He doesn’t mention the killing game, the memories or ask for his friends. When he screams in the night he tells his parents he has nightmares about a black bear chasing him. It’s only a half lie.

He focuses hard on trying to identify those form his past. Keeping an eagle eye out and scrutinising everyone he meets.

He finds Aoi in a playground when he’s 9 but she doesn’t know him. She laughs when he asks her about Monokuma and says she’s never heard of that cartoon. He chokes down his disappointment and tries not to cry when her parents call “Aiko it’s time to go home!”

He waves goodbye to his past in a different way and the pain blossoms through his chest once again. How long will it take him to get home?

He finds Byakuya when he’s 14. They are assigned to sit next to each other in school and Makoto is shocked, elated, scared, nervous... He’s tall and blonde this time still but he’s still different.. he introduces himself to Makoto with a grin and talks ten to the dozen. He also seems not to remember Makoto in the slightest, the most he can hope for is being his friend which he does become, and in time the pair become best friends.

Bankei as he’s known now, is popular, charismatic and fun. He’s a wonderful person to be around and even though he’s not the same as he was Makoto still loves him.

That’s why it hits him so hard when he sees Bankei kissing a girl at a high school party they aren’t supposed to be at.

Why can’t he remember Makoto? Why can’t anyone remember?? Why is he stuck here? He would think he’s finally lost his mind if it weren’t for the fact he’s spent two lifetimes stuck in this fresh hell!

He drinks and he drinks and he drinks from the red plastic cups as though they can take away his pain and in a way they do.

When he’s so toasted he can hardly walk he grabs Bankei’s arm and his friend turns to grin at him

“Hey!! Miki there you are!! Are you havin’ a good time?”

“I love you” he blurts out, words slurred “I always have an.. I miss you, please say you remember Monokuma? Junko? Me?”

Bankei’s face pales and he takes a step back

“Dude I... I have no idea what you’re talkin’ about you’re drunk okay? You should call it a night”

“No!! I know the truth!! I remember it all

Byakuya and I love you so much please.... please...”

He’s pleading with tears running down his face as his heart breaks and Bankei just looks confused and awkward.

“Miki I don’t know who Byakuya is but.. come on you need to rest”

He protests but his friend is an athlete who carries him with ease up to a guest room

“Just get some rest Miki.. sober up an we can talk tomorrow okay? Sounds like you really miss someone”

“Byakuya” he whispers “don’t leave me please...” his hand reaches out but Bankei is already gone back to the party.

He sobs heavily wanting to drown in his tears, what the fuck is the point of this all?? Being alive at all it’s just pain, it’s torture! More despairing than anything Junko Enoshima could ever have done to him. He cries and cries until he’s exhausted and his drunk brain can’t take anymore and his eyes start to lull closed. If any of his former SHSL Luck remains then he won’t wake up tomorrow. His eyes slip closed and he whispers to the empty room “ _Danganronpa”_

.....

This time when he wakes up he’s Masaki and he’s already tired of being him.

He’s quiet this lifetime and keeps to himself. His memories are even more vivid this time and he can remember with clarity the first time he and Byakuya kissed, the first time he said “I love you” the first time they fell asleep entwined together, holding tight and never wanting to let go. When you remember loving someone that much it’s hard to even entertain the notion of looking for someone else.

He has to wonder why each time he seems to be the only one that remembers. Why does nobody else? How come they live in blissful ignorance they they keep coming back time and time again to be just not quite right. Is nature sending him back each time until it’s right? Until the stars align and everyone remembers?

Either way it’s exhausting. He can’t even escape the cycle. He tries after years of trying to be Masaki, he never finds Byakuya, life is unfulfilling and it’s harder than ever to forget about who he really is. Either way this will be a new chance to try or he will really break the cycle and find some peace.

He steels himself, places the gun to his head and closes his eyes.

“ _Danganronpa”_

_BANG_

_....._

He finds out the cycle can’t be broken when he comes back as Masafumi. This is some kind of reincarnation cycle, he can’t break it even through suicide each time he will just come back until he finds what he’s supposed to do.

He devotes this lifetime to research but he never gets any satisfaction. Reincarnation isn’t real by all sources, Junko Enoshima and the killing school life don’t exist. Nothing about his old life is concrete in any form. He tries to research every single last classmate but none of them exist, nobody is real and yet it’s all he knows.

He finally tracks down Byakuya after too many years. He finds a blonde accountant called Bansyou who has a wife and 2 children.

This lifetime wasn’t for him either...

“ _Danganronpa_ ” he whispers into the void as he slips into a dreamless sleep.

....

He’s had too many lives. He tries to count them all but can’t quite. Every single one of them was cut short because he couldn’t take it, couldn’t find what he was looking for. This time he’s Minoru and he sits on a park bench drinking coffee, just watching life go by. He can’t ever seem to join in with the people he sees, they live such simple lives. Happy lives. His are always ruled over by trying to get back to Makoto but he can’t and it causes him endless despair. He chuckles to himself thinking that maybe he never defeated Junko Enoshima after all, this was her eternal revenge against him. A despair that never ever ends.

He’s so lost in his thoughts he doesn’t notice a girl with short lavender hair sit on the other end of the bench, it’s only when she calls his old name that he turns. Eyes wide and blood frozen in his veins.

“Do you remember me Makoto?”

He feels like he should, she’s so familiar! She has an aura.. like the time he met Aoi in the playground, like the times he met Byakuya again and he knows he *does* know her. But his heart and mind can’t put it together

“I didn’t think so” she smiles softly as she sips from her cup “It’s hard isn’t it? Feeling like a stranger in the world.. needing to get home”

“Y.. yes! I.. I can’t ever think about anything else!”

“How many cycles has it been for you?”

“Uhm.. I think this my 6th I think...”

She nods “I know it’s hard, but you can’t force it. You have to wait... and be patient”

“How can you know that?”

“Because every life I find someone new, unfortunately this time you aren’t quite there yet”

“Why.. why can’t I remember?”

“You keep leaving early don’t you? I understand the urge but when you do.. you set yourself further back”

“So you’re saying I just have to endure lifetimes of this hell?? Over and over until it’s right again? Until everyone remembers.. until I find him and he finds me?” He’s crying and he can’t help it. He buries his face in his hands and the purple haired stranger that feels so familiar yet to foreign to him, she puts and arm around him and whispers soothingly.

“I know... I know it’s hard. Believe me I understand. This is despair Makoto, we are locked in it and the only way out is hope isn’t that right?”

“I know.. it’s just... so shocking I never imagined something like this could happen.. I miss him so much”

“He will come back to you I promise. Each cycle is one closer. He could be the next one to remember but you have to stay with us Makoto. You can’t keep trying to escape the cycle”

“I understand.. even if it hurts I won’t take the easy route.. I have to be strong”

He looked up at her then as he wiped the tears from his eyes “I’m so sorry I don’t remember you properly, what’s your name?”

“I’m Kiki, she smiles softly, but in our life you called me Kyoko”

.....

The next cycle he remembers Kyoko the second he sees her and the pair embrace firmly, crying softly just so pleased to have someone in this world that understands

“It was so hard to wait out the last lifetime”

“I’m so proud of you for sticking it out though, we’re getting closer. Celeste remembers now”

“So what’s the plan? Live another half fulfilling existence until we find the next one?”

“Better, we find how to keep tabs on everyone each time around, we won’t be starting off blind. Next time we will have our memories from this cycle, we can be forewarned at least”

“The detective in you has never died”

.....

The next cycle they find Leon, a construction worker called Leorio who was admitted to therapy after talking obsessively about being locked in a school and a black and white bear.

Kinoko as she’s known this time wasted no time becoming a detective again and managed to keep tabs on this exact situation. The minute his information went into the health service systems she had it.

“Luckily we never forget anything so we can save time by building our talents” she advises him and he agrees taking up law in this cycle to qualify as a detective, any way to help the cause.

They bring Leon into the fold and for the first time he starts to feel like there’s hope after all.

......

Next cycle the 4 man detective team manage to find Chihiro, a huge asset to them not only to their overall goal but also to their cause. Chikao as he’s known now, wastes no time hugging everyone and sobbing about how happy he is to see them. “I don’t like you tall like this Makoto!” He laughs and the whole group laugh too. Its still a long way to go but feels one step closer to home.

.....

The next cycle something happens he wouldn’t have ever predicted. This time he’s female.

“Well this is a new look” Kyoko grins at him and he sighs

“I can’t say I mind it, it feels fine it’s just weird knowing I’m definitely not Makoto this time”

“I think you’re adorable” Leon grins and Celeste slaps his head as they laugh.

“Never mind that, I wonder who we will find this lifetime”

He doesn’t want to get his hopes up that this time could be Byakuya. He will never stop until he finds everyone but.. the cycles will be so much easier to endure with the love of his life by his side.

....

“Are you free this afternoon?” Kyoko asks him over noodles and he shakes his head

“Nah I’m due in court, the murder trial”

“Ah well we will continue the info dump without you don’t worry. We can fill you in later”

“I’m trying something new.. I have a theory about consistent factors in each lifetime” Chihiro was tapping away at one of the computers in their base, Alter ego working with him.

“Good luck, I’ll come check in as soon as s im done”

“You’ll have the case won and closed within the hour, if that jury doesn’t come back ASAP then something is wrong”

Makoto chuckled gathering his belongings “if I don’t forget my name in the middle of the trial again”

Makoto had become a lawyer and each lifetime had just added a new set of skills to his armoury. As a result this time around he - well she was a notoriously skilled lawyer with a reputation of never loosing. They couldn’t spend every waking minute locating their lost classmates, they had bills to pay and fortunately this job helped take his mind off things.

Court went well and as predicted the jury came back fast in his favour. Happily he strode down the courtroom steps and answered the reporters questions. He was just stepping onto the sidewalk when

“Excuse me miss! You dropped this!”

He turned and his breath was stolen. Byakuya stood there smiling at him serenely holding a single glove he recognised as his own. He wasn’t quite the same, he wore a smart suit and he was blonde with bright blue eyes but he knew this Byakuya didn’t remember him.

“Oh. Thank you how careless of me”

He accepted the glove with a smile trying to still the shaking in his hands.

“You’re welcome. You’re Minako? The lawyer who can’t be beaten” he laughed and Makoto felt himself blushing, it was all wrong but it was still _Byakuya_ and he was still so god damn beautiful.

“That’s what they say” he laughed lightly “I think I’m just lucky”

“That’s some luck” he smiled back and Makoto forgot how to breathe

“I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name”

“Oh, I’m Byakusei, I’m an investigator for the DA’s office”

“Lovely to meet you” the pair shook hands and the moment they touched sent electricity through Makoto. This was his _soulmate_ the person he was literally waitinglifetimes for and all he wanted to do was kiss him and hug him right now.

“This may be a little forward of me...” Byakusei laughed nervously in a way that was so foreign to Makoto “but would you perhaps like to get a cup of coffee?”

“I’d love to”

....

“This is a bad idea” Kyoko advises when Makoto is at the base later, huge grin on his face as he texts Byakuya.. well this cycles version of him. Coffee went so well he couldn’t stop smiling all night and the pair chatted and laughed over too much coffee and Makoto couldn’t remember being this happy in a long, long time.

“It’s not really him, not the Byakuya you want”

“Leave em be Kyoko” Leon sighed “how many lifetimes now has Makoto been miserable? Just for once he can have come peace”

“It’s not real peace though is it Makoto?” She asks but it sounds more like a statement than a question “he’s not who you really want. He’s a substitute for the real Byakuya”

“Well the real Byakuya hasn’t been around for the last few lifetimes” Makoto snapped finally getting annoyed “I haven’t even kissed anyone in a few hundred years so yeah maybe he’s not *my* Byakuya but he’s still him in some way and right now that’s the best I’ve got to work with”

He goes off to his room in a huff but a Snapchat from Byakuya smiling soon cheers him up.

.....

They’ve been on 3 dates now, they have all been so sweet and Byakuya is so bubbly and fun. He misses the razor sharp wit, the sarcasm and the banter but.. it’s nice being called beautiful, having someone to be with that makes you feel special. Someone who looks almost exactly like your soulmate and is.. almost them. Just not quite.

He walks Makoto home and the pair are laughing, he spins Makoto who does a little twirl as they dance along the sidewalk laughing in glee. Then suddenly he pulls Makoto close and the air is electric as he leans in for a kiss.

It’s incredible, he had forgotten how amazing it could be just to kiss. It’s exactly like Byakuya used to kiss him and he wraps his arms around his neck kissing him back with the passion of several lifetimes of longing.

“Wow...” Byakuya blushes as he pulls away “I wasn’t expecting you to be so...”

He realises fast in his longing and his yearning come true he had kissed him far too enthusiastically for a first kiss and he blushes deep red

“Well.. I’m a lawyer remember, I play to win!” The joke sounds lame even to his own ears but Byakuya laughed and just leans in again, this time kissing him softly

“I like your confidence, I know where I stand with you”

“That’s true” he laughs sheepishly and Byakuya walks him the rest of the way home with a smile and they kiss further on the doorstep before he waves goodbye.

For the first lifetime in several Makoto actually feels Lust. He misses the feeling of making love to Byakuya and now.. he might finally get the chance to do it again.

He walks in past Kyoko’s disapproving glance and Chihiro pipes up

“I think we’re onto something, from what I’ve discerned I think Sakura is back”

“That’s amazing!” Makoto is filled with joy at the prospect of being one step closer and now he’s not so alone in this life. He has hope.

.....

Hes already completely in love with Byakuya of course, even if this version is a bit too bubbly. He reminds Makoto of the kind of guy everyone wants their child to bring home. The perfect man and it’s weird in a way that he would rather the scathing comebacks, the teasing, the quiet kind of affection. He consoles himself that it will be a funny story when he finally meets Byakuya again and he can tell him about the time he was a girl and Byakuya was mr popularity.

After many dates, coffees andlunch when they run into each other in the courthouse, messages and calls long into the night he finally asks Makoto to stay at his apartment. He knows what that means will happen and he’s nervous but excited. It’s not long before they start kissing and it gets heated, they go to bed and start to undress each other and Makoto feels like he might combust with excitement.

“It’s.. been a while for me” Byakuya admits with a shy smile as he slips makotos dress off “how about you?”

“It’s been a few lifetimes” Makoto says with a chuckle and Byakuya laughs too.

Makoto can’t say he’s not nervous, sex with Byakuya used to be like second nature but now.. Hes a *girl* this time around and it’s going to be completely different. Luckily for him Byakuya isn’t shy about taking the lead and Makoto is soon moaning for the first time in *centuries*

Everything feels different, new things excite him and he whimpers at the feeling of Byakuyas tongue on his chest, he’s so sensitive.. he would never have known how good this would be he feels like he’s been given secret forbidden knowledge. Byakuyas fingers inside him feel much more natural in a way, he’s wet and it’s such a strange feeling but every thrust of his fingers makes makotos toes curl.

Just when he thinks he’s experienced everything Byakuya drops between his thighs and his mouth finds a home between his legs and Makoto *screams* in pleasure. He comes loudly as Byakuya laps at him greedily. 

“Has nobody done that for you before?” Byakuya asks with a slight blush as he gets up, wiping his mouth as discreetly as he can.

“No..” Makoto shakes his head and hes not lying. He’s never experienced *that* before.

It’s not long before he’s excited again as Byakuyas naked and kissing him. His body isn’t quite as nice as his byakuyas was, but he’s still very attractive. Besides all he wants is to have sex with Byakuya again, finally!! It can’t come soon enough when Byakuya pushes into him and Makoto moans brazenly. Byakuya is inside him.. for the first time in *lifetimes* it’s not exactly right but he will take *almost right* over nothing. His legs are up and around Byakuya’s waist, arms around his neck and they kiss sloppily as Byakuya begins to thrust into him.

“Oh.. Minako.. mmm!” Byakuya moans and it throws Makoto for a second.

It feels good but he keeps being reminded that this isn’t his body, this isn’t Byakuya.. it’s a strange duality of pleasure and guilt that grips him as _Byakusei_ thrusts and kisses him. He narrows his eyes.. lets just a sliver of blonde hair and blue eyes into his vision as he casts his mind to a lovemaking session of their past, how they would passionately fall into bed together. The noises Byakuya would make and how it felt.. he’s relieving it in his head and suddenly it’s a million times better.

He mewls, moans, purrs and shouts out as he’s fucked hard into the sheets, sweat dripping down his face, messy brunette hair spread over the pillows and breasts heaving wirh the momentum. Byakuya’s good at this, his hips move in perfect rhythm as Makotos body writhes in pleasure. Byakuya makes him come twice more, the final time he grabs him tight, fingers embedded deep in blonde tresses, his own hips bucking wildly, back arching and he yelps

“Oh god! You’re so good! Oh.. yes!! Fuck me hard!”

Byakuya gasps and makes a lewd sounding noise at the encouragement, ramping it up and Makoto can feel himself coming harder then before

“YES! Oh god! Byakuya!! Oh fuck Byakuya yes!” He screams and moans until it’s over and he collapses limply into the sheets sweaty but satisfied.

He’s so blissed out he doesn’t register the change in atmosphere or the fact a Byakuya is sat there staring at him wordlessly.

“Who’s Byakuya?”

Oh.

“You of course” he bluffs and he knows he’s absolutely fucked before _Byakusei_ reacts to his lie.

“That’s not my name and you know it, you’re a smart girl you really don’t think I’ll fall for that”

Makoto bit his lip as shame washed over him, he really had gotten carried away.. and now this kind and sweet man probably thought he was being cheated on.

“Look I’m sorry I... I just..”

Byakuya was looking at him with those piercing blue eyes that never ever looked away from the truth. He had fallen so in love with those eyes. He didn’t know how to lie to them so he told the truth.

“Byakuya was my husbands name. He died a while ago and... I suppose I.. I’m not as over it as I thought”

He was quiet then and looked at Makoto with conflict raging on his face, his expression softened but he pursed his lips thoughtfully

“Are you with me because I remind you of him?”

“I...”

“So that’s a yes”

He looked sad, disappointed, a little disgusted too Makoto thought as he subtlety pulls the covers more over himself to hide his modesty.

“It’s not like that.. you’re not like him in personality” that much was true at least

“But I have a similar name and.. I look like him don’t I?”

“....”

“I’m sorry... I can’t imagine what that’s like for you. But I can’t be a stand in for your deceased husband I.. don’t think it’s healthy either, for you to do this”

“I didn’t mean to.. I do like you a lot I didn’t... I promise”

“... I don’t think we should see each other again” his eyes dropped down to the floor “It’s too weird... I’m sorry but you should go”

Makoto didn’t fight it. He fucked up. He didn’t deserve to be with this man who would never realise he was the husband Makoto had lost. How Makoto’s soul screamed for Byakuya to just remember him! Just for one moment, for one second!

He nodded and got redressed hearing Byakuya do the same from the other side of the room. Awkwardly Byakuya showed him to the door and Makoto cleared his throat

“I really am sorry... you are lovely and thanks for not being.. really angry at me”

“I do understand somewhat” Byakuya ran his fingers though his hair looking conflicted “You don’t just get over something like that, I know you didn’t mean it but.... You’re not ready to date again and definitely not people who look like him”

Makoto nodded swallowing awkwardly

“You’re right.. I’m sorry.. take care of yourself”

“You too Minako”

Byakuya watched him walk away he could tell. He felt eyes on his back all the way to the elevator and only then did he stop holding back his sobs and cry.

....

Makoto giggled draining the vodka bottle and dropping it with a smash as he teetered along the edge of the buildings roof.

Kyoko was right. He has made a huge mistake. It wasn’t the same, he wanted Byakuya and someone else would never be enough. Not even a half version of the man he loved. He had wanted so much to believe that he could be happy but.. his heart would never truly be satisfied until he had the real Byakuya, mind, body and soul in his arms again. He felt bad for using Byakusei and leaving him hurt. He didn’t want to hurt Byakuya in any way in any life time.

He pulled his phone from his jacket before throwing the jacket down and typing out

“I’m reallt sorryyytthat I hurt you. You are a really good man ans you deaswvr so much! I have been unahaoou for so long n you made me smile again :) So thank you)??!! N you’re nt to blame for my actions, this was a long time comin fans I just wanted you to know that!!! Xxx

Satisfied with his goodbye message Makoto put the phone down on the roof ledge and stood looking out over the city. He couldn’t go home and face Kyoko being self righteous about his mistake. He couldn’t deal with the rest of this lifetime! He knew he was letting everyone down but he wanted to leave. He wanted peace.

He spread his arms like a bird about to take flight. Inhale. Exhale. A smile spread his lips as he leaned forward into freefall.

“ _Danganronpa”_

.....

“Did you forget that every time you leave you still our progress?” Kyoko was fuming with him and he couldn’t really blame her.

Well him, this versions Kyoko was a tall slender male with short lavender hair.

“I’m sorry, I knew it did and yet I was selfish. I was hurting and I was drunk and irrational. I can’t make up for it I know but I swear it won’t happen again”

Kyoko frowned and rubbed at her temples “I warned you, but you couldn’t stay away from him! Luckily your drunken rambling text to him was enough for the police not to find him suspicious of murdering you”

“Yeah I thought I should make sure it was obvious he wasn’t Involved I..”

“So you thought to do that but not reach out to one of us? You had to be so selfish?”

“You ever think your shitty attitude might be the reason he didn’t?” Leon snapped much for Makoto’s shock

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You! We’re all in the same boat here but you always act like you’re the one hurting the hardest! Like you have the most to gain! Makoto fucked up but he’s had a lot of shitty lifetimes I think he has a right to be!”

“I’m just trying my best to reunite everyone!”

“And then what?” Leon spread his arms shrugging his shoulders “We all live happily ever after? You have no idea what happens then!”

“None of us know! But we have to weather the storm until we do! We clearly have a purpose or we wouldn’t keep coming back over and over!”

“Maybe we don’t! Maybe this is just our punishment! Why can’t we just enjoy the lives we had instead of you running them for us?”

“Don’t you want to see everyone again? Don’t you want to solve this mystery and get back to who we were?”

“Have you ever stopped to think some of us might not be so excited for a reunion?” Leon glared crossing his arms

“Wait what do you mean?” Makoto asked in surprise taken aback by his words

“Some of us killed people! How the fuck are we supposed from explain that? How can I ever make it up to Sayaka? ‘Great to see you again I’m sorry I stabbed you’ ever considered some of our hands aren’t as goddamn clean as yours miss perfect”

“That’s ludic...”

“He’s right” Celeste’s voice was soft and sorrowful cutting through Kyoko’s interjection. “I cannot say I am not.. worried at the thought of meeting Ishimaru and Hifumi again.. I did terrible things.. told awful lies and they both died. Nothing I saw can ever make that right”

It was silent in the room now, every person deep in contemplation

“I think we should all.. take 10” Chihiro said softly but firmly and all the rooms inhabitants nodded or murmured their agreement before leaving one at a time to go and have a breather.

It gave Makoto a lot to thing about, knowing how other people were feeling he couldn’t help but agree with Leon about some things. Maybe he should just try to enjoy the lives that he had. Maybe not get so attached again, letting his feelings run wild where Byakuya was concerned was only going to break his heart. This lifetime they wouldn’t find anyone so.. maybe he should try and live a little. So when he did find Byakuya again one day he would have a plethora of stories to share with him!

That was his hope going forward, that he would see Byakuya again.

.....

The next time around they found Mondo.

It tested Leons fears when Mondo had to apologies and explain his actions to Chihiro while begging for forgiveness. Everyone was relieved when Chihiro simply flung his arms around Mondo and sobbed how happy he was to see him again.

Maybe there was hope for all of them! Even Kyoko seemed to have some food for thought as she stood and watched the exchange with a look of contemplation on her face. Celeste slipped her hand into hers and they stood there together. Makoto suppresses a smile.

He was true to his word and enjoyed this lifetime considerably more. His past and his love for Byakuya were always there, but he wasn’t going to let them control his entire life now, he had to live worthwhile lives to tell Byakuya about now!

And even if he sees Byakuya again in these cycles he’s not going to get involved emotionally. It will only hurt his healing heart further and set him backwards. Any lifetime now.. he could find him again!

So when he does meet Byakuya, this time as a young, closeted advertising executive in a club, He promises himself not to get attached.

The two end up in a toilet cubicle and Byakuya whines, bracing his arms on the cubicle door as Makoto enters him. Their noises of pleasure are muffled by the need not to be caught and Makoto is thankful to be taller than Byakuya this time around. He bites at his neck hard as he climaxes and Byakuya yelps in pain and pleasure as his seed paints the cubicle door.

A quick clean up job later they shuffle out of the bathroom and part ways without a backwards glance. He realised he didn’t even find out his name this time.

......

They find Aoi.

Makoto travels the world this time and he never sees Byakuya. He’s lonely but he consoles himself that he’s done a good job this lifetime. Baby steps.

Byakuya is going to be the last one, he just knows it in his gut, in his soul. Everyone will come back to the fold before he does, his last punishment from despair will be to keep the man he loved away from him until the last possible moment. He consoles himself that hope keeps on going. He won’t stop, he won’t look back until Byakuya looks at him again as himself. His true self.

.....

Ishimaru.

It’s an interesting reunion for so many reasons but the joy Makoto feels at seeing he and Mondo together again just gives him more hope for finding Byakuya and how it will be when they happens. It could be any time now... maybe next cycle.

“Are you sure it’s worth waiting?” Leon asks him and Makoto stills

“What do you mean?”

“No offence or anything but you.. you’ve only ever been with Byakuya he was your first love like.. how do you know it’s worth waiting all this time to get him back when you haven’t made the most of your lifetimes to date and meet new people? Like...” Leon sighs and ruffles his own hair awkwardly “Maybe he’s not actually worth all this misery you know?”

Makotos heart hurts but he doesn’t get angry, he doesn’t snap back.

“I just know Leon.. I know it’s hard to explain but I won’t ever feel right until I’m back as _Makoto Naegi_ again. And that’s for me, for my peace of mind I want to be myself again. And part of being me is loving Byakuya Togami. It’s not just about waiting for him again, it’s waiting to be _myself_ again. I won’t be at peace again until I am, can you understand that?”

“Yeah, I guess I do. I wanna be me again, my real self so I get what you’re saying. I just don’t want you to make yourself miserable bro”

“I tried dating and.. I could only ever think about him. It’s not some weird self punishment or anything it’s just _how I feel”_

“I’ve never wanted so hard to see Byakuya again” Leon chuckles “for you, you deserve it. Next time, I really hope it’s him”

....

Hifumi.

This time he’s in college and he sees Byakuya in a busy cafe reading. A stunning girl looks back at him with a long curtain of silky blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He can barely take his eyes off her and when he asks if the seat at her table is taken she glares at him and tuts in a way that Byakuya would be truly proud of. Makoto can’t help but smile, it’s like he’s really back but.. just in different packaging.

He doesn’t get involved though it’s hard not to be happy about seeing Byakuya again. They end up starting small talk when she see’s the book he’s reading and before she finished her coffee and leaves she decrees him sitting with her wasnt the worst thing ever. She walks away with a half smile. heeled boots clicking, skirt flaring and Makoto knows he shouldn’t but he can’t help but think. Byakuya has really nice boobs hot damn.

....

Toko.

“Do you think **they** will come back?” Aoi asks nervously one day chewing her thumb nail and the group exchange glances. It’s true that it’s a possibility. Nobody had dared to voice the option that the despair sisters could return too.

“I don’t know...” Kyoko said quietly “I did think perhaps Mukuro might be a possibility at least. She was betrayed by Junko after all and was a victim of despair too”

“Yeah and she also was responsible for trying to kill us all!” Mondo huffed “she’s just as guilty as her sister”

“Maybe...” Makoto mused “it’s true her hands aren’t clean but she also wasn’t the mastermind.. I don’t know I say we cross that bridge when we come to it”

“If **she** comes back though” a growl came from Mondo’s snarling lips “She’s dead”

A tense silence took over the command room then as everyone went quiet. Makoto couldn’t blame them for wanting Junko to suffer even if he didn’t agree with that kind of retaliation. She robbed countless people’s lives from them and that wasn’t something you could undo.

Not ever.

.....

Sayaka.

He waits. And he waits.

It’s so close now, there’s only 4 more possibilities and that’s _if_ Mukuro and Junko do return.

He’s very tired though, restless as he watches the reuniting of friends. The mending of relationships and the happiness that grows and grows despite them not fully being back to normal.

He’s happy for them, he’s happy to be with them too of course. He just has to wait for his moment.

He will wait for Byakuya forever

.....

Hagakure.

Maybe he will be next?

Makoto hopes and dreams that next time he will see Byakuya again and it’s really him.

This cycles version of him turns out to be a newlywed supermarket cashier and it hurts still to see him with someone else, How his eyes light up at the sight of his wife. Even if he’s not _really_ Byakuya it’s still difficult to see.

But maybe soon, maybe next time.

Maybe.

Please.

Please…

....

The next life he has a feeling deep in his gut.

Byakuya is back.

The 13 reincarnated students meet in the headquarters with a sense of finality

“This is it, I can feel it” Sakura nods “When we find him..”

“I agree” Kyoko nods, I feel it too. You all can.. can’t you?”

The group all nod and murmur their words of agreement.

The air is charged, something will happen when they find him and Makoto cannot wait a second longer to see him again.

.....

He’s sat reading in a park, wearing slacks and a smart sweater at the edge of a fountain when Makoto finds him. The sound rips from throat like a primal scream from his soul

“Byakuya!!!”

He looks up his jaw drops in shock. His book falls from his hands and he’s springing to his feet and racing across the park towards him.

“Makoto!!! MAKOTO!!!”

They run for each other, arms out, eyes wide as they call for each other desperately.

And as their fingers finally touch...

.....

Everything goes blank.

It’s so bright, white and blinding. When his vision adjusts and he can see again he’s stood in the entrance hall to Hopes Peak. It’s just like when he started school there, no barred doors, no boarded up windows. The decor is surprisingly... more white. As though everything is cast in a glow almost. It’s angelic In a sense.

The others are there too, dressed as they were back then. He turns and Byakuya is stood there next to him, the two lock eyes once more and it’s like all of those years ago. He’s exuberant in his happiness as he throws his arms around Byakuya who hugs him back so tightly as though he may disappear, and honestly he wouldn’t put it past whatever madness has occurred around here as of late for Byakuya to just disappear into thin air.

“Byakuya!” Makoto sobs and Byakuya cups his cheeks and pulls him into the first kiss they’ve had in lifetimes.

“Welcome back students”

The familiar voice of despair echos around the halls and everyone stops in horror looking around wildly for the cause of the voice. Junko’s voice once more echos down the halls. Byakuya sets him down and looks around in horror but his hand still holds Makoto’s tightly.

“It’s me, Junko Enoshima~ I can’t believe you passed my final test! My final gift to you all, Having to live over and over and over again without each other! I was sooo eager to see what what really win in the end! Your fragile Hope vs _my_ Ultimate Despair! I was so sure you would have given up but you really did trust in hope, I guess that’s what got you through all of this time!”

“Wha.. this was your doing!” Makoto called out “Your final revenge on us all!”

“Revenge? No of course not! I love you all so much and that’s why giving you this trial of despair was the best final gift I could give you!”

“So you were testing us for the last time?” Kyoko pondered, gloved fist to her mouth “To see if we would make it here?”

“Exactly!! I totally guessed you would figure it out! That’s why I brought Makoto back first! Giving him the most lifetimes without his beloved to see if despair would defeat him but our lovely Ultimate Hope didn’t give up I see!”

“So what now?” Byakuya crossed his arms “what ridiculousness are you going to put us through next?”

“Well nothing of course! since you passed my final trial this is your reward!”

“Re.. reward?”

“Of course! All you’ve wanted all this time was to get back to your normal lives wasn’t it? So here you go! Your lives back! And this time they won’t end! You’ll get to live here in peace uninterrupted for all time!”

“Wait so...”

“Goodbye for the last time my friends!~”

The voice faded and then just like that, Junko’s presence was gone he could feel the ominous despairing energy of Junko Enoshima disappear for the very last time.

“Wait..” Leon bit his lip “so is this... heaven?”

Heaven...

Junko’s final revenge on them was over and now they would get to spend eternity in peace. As who they really were! In the place he had been so happy before Junko has corrupted it, it was back as it was back then. A blank slate with endless possibilities, with Byakuya.

Byakuya pulls him back into his arms and Makoto lets out a laugh of unadulterated joy.

“Byakuya! We’re back! Forever.. we will never be apart again!! I missed you so much!!!”

“My angel..” Byakuya’s voice in his ear is divine, everything he has longed for, for _lifetimes_

Everything he had ever wanted, he had hoped and he had suffered but they had beaten despair.

And now this was... **_heaven_**

“We have have so much to make up for love” Byakuya draws back and stroked his face with ally he affection and longing he had been waiting for and he smiles back wide and teary.

“Yeah, I have so much to tell you about! Like the time you were a girl!”

“I was a... what?” Byakuya blinks and Makoto bursts info peals of laughter

“At least I have forever to fill you in on everything you missed”

Byakuya’s lips are mere millimetres from his and he he smiles, eyes twinkling.

“Forever begins now”


End file.
